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Ursa Vineyards Petite Sirah - Three Pack - $47.99 November 20 - 08:23 PM
Tough gig, being a wine scout, lemme tell you. Everybody thinks it’d be a nonstop adventure. They think every day is like stumbling across Mickey Mantle playing on an alkali field, or Lana Turner working the soda fountain at a drugstore. Truth is, it’s a grind. You strike out way more often than you get on base. And you almost never hit a home run. You hear about some sensational Merlot up in the mountains, you spend days or weeks tracking it down, and the stuff tastes like Windex. You spit it out, shrug it off, and hit the road again. Nature of the game.
So my hopes weren’t high when I read a line in some small-town paper about this winery up in the Sierra Foothills. This Ursa outfit had won best Petite Sirah at the California State Fair two years in a row. But I’d tasted enough award-winning swill to know that all the medals in the world can’t make a lousy wine taste good. If they were so great, why were they just making 200, 300, 400 cases of each vintage? Why didn’t they grow any other varietals? Still, I had a job to do. I wheeled on over to El Dorado County, expecting to be gone again before my last sip stopped swirling on my tongue.
Let’s just say this old bird-dog learned a few new tricks that day. Each bottle seemed better than the last. The Ursa Vineyards 2005 Petite Sirah Sierra Foothills had that elegant, perfumy mountain-fruit aroma, with a robustly oaky palate. Their 2005 Petite Sirah Vineyard Blend combined equal parts Sierra Foothills, Central Coast, and Paso Robles fruit for a mixture spice and black fruit like nothing I’d ever scouted before. And the big, juicy Ursa Vineyards 2005 Petite Sirah Paso Robles reminded me why I got into this game in the first place. A blueberry nose spiced with subtle cinnamon and black pepper lead into a lingering dark berry palate with well-balanced tannins. With the first drink, I reached inside my jacket for a contract. I had to sign these kids up.
Now Ursa’s moving up in the world, taking their star turn on Wine.Woot. I’m still out here pounding sand, rustling the bushes, searching for the next big wine thing. But when I get down, when I feel like I’m wasting my time or wasting my life, I just remember the way it felt to sip that Petite Sirah. No matter what happens from now on, I’ll always be the guy who discovered Ursa Vineyards.
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You must be Logged In to add a link!Yukon Elf-1 Generation 1 Night Vision Monocular - $79.98 November 20 - 07:48 PM
Draining the last drops of peppermint whisky out of the buttercup and lowering it gently onto the nightstand, Inspector Twinkle Feathershine sighed, a wheezing rasp that stank of nicotine and regret. Somewhere, history laughed. The Elves, after their long travels, troubles, and travails, had carved something of a home out of the Yukon frost. The streets of Whitehorse, the provincial capital, rang with the bubbling songs of Elvish pipes. The smells of roasted ladybug and honeysuckle soup drifted through its snowy alleyways. Elves argued, cajoled, sang, wailed, and cast spells on its sidewalks and in its apartments.
This was where they’d been permitted to settle after the shocking collapse of Elfrealm in 1948, when the young nation was overrun by a coalition of militant pan-Arabs and unreconstructed Orc supremacists. Now, 60 years later, the Canadian government was preparing to take control of the Yukon Temporary Elf District. Once again, Feathershine’s people would be without a home, rootless, abandoned, as alone as they had been in the days when humans thought they were mythical. It was enough to make an elf turn to drink. Especially one who’d already made that turn every day for thirty years.
But Feathershine was still an RCMP inspector, for two more months, anyway. He was a Mountie from his pointy ears down to the curled leather toes of his Elvish police boots. And that was why he was getting ready to head over to the Pini Hotel. They’d found a dead elf in one of the flophouse’s rooms, evidently strung out on fairydew like so many others these days. Sure, he wouldn’t have had long. But a bullet got him first. And Feathershine, well, he didn’t want to care. But he couldn’t just look away.
Feathershine made it as far as the door before it occurred to him: better bring his Yukon 15003 Elf-1 Generation 1 Night Vision Monocular. Its IR emitter allowed Feathershine to see for up to 30 feet in total darkness. The Pini was a gloomy place, but he was thinking about the network of tunnels below it. They say the tunnels were built by the Commando E partisans back in the ‘60s, when it looked like the Elves and the Eskimos were going to war. They’d fallen into semi-disrepair and were rarely ventured into by sensible Elves – in other words, the perfect hiding place for a killer. Feathershine didn’t know what its infrared vision would reveal, what he’d see through its 22mm objective lens. But whatever it was, it wouldn’t be as frightening as the future.
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You must be Logged In to add a link!Flexi USA PCPetID Pet ID Tag for Collar - $7.99 November 20 - 07:43 PM
Here’s what you do: You take your most sensitive data—your access codes, instructions to your underlings in the event of your untimely death, naked pictures of your exes, whatever—and you store them on this 64-meg flash drive that’s designed to hang on a pet collar.
You put the drive on such a collar, then you put the collar on a scary dog. Or, actually, it’s not very responsible pet ownership to cultivate scariness in a dog. So instead, put the collar on an untrainable exotic pet, like a hyena that prowls your grounds or something.
Now that’s security! No one will ever get at this drive, not while it dangles a few inches from the jaws of your guard hyena! The drive is shockproof and weatherproof to survive being stored on a live animal, but we wouldn’t recommend you put it on an alligator collar or anything. Effective as that would be from a theft-deterrent standpoint, it probably wouldn’t last for hours underwater.
The other thing it’s good for is putting your contact information on it in case your dog gets lost. But if a pet ID collar is all you want, this one is totally inferior to the low-tech numbers-stamped-on-a-metal-tag version. You don’t want the person who finds your lost dog to have system requirements for figuring out how to return her.
But here’s something you can’t do with an old-fashioned dog tag: When your internet connection goes down, send the dog back and forth between your house and the neighbors’, as a canine courier of totally wireless (but slow) email.
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Boy, the aphids are bad this year. Look at these turnips. At this rate, we’ll be lucky if there’s any left for the Harvest Feast. Well, hand me that cottonseed oil. Let’s see if it’ll keep them away this time.
What? Oh, yeah, sure, I remember the Crash. I was 14, 15 when it all went down: the oil running out, the oceans rising, the 2nd Civil War. I’ll never forget those Chinese peacekeeping troops rolling a tank right down the main corridor of the Oakwoods Galleria. I was at this place called GameZone, looking at these things called video games. Oh, you’ve heard about video games, huh? Yeah, us old-timers used to spend a lot of time talking about video games around the village fire.
It sounds funny now, but I was going to be a professional video-game player. That very day, I’d scraped up some of the Old Dollars to buy a pair of Everglide S-500 Professional Headphones. See, wanna-be pro gamers like me would wear these things over our ears, so we could hear our game and not the guy’s next to us. So I was looking for a pair that would fit over my ears and shut everything out – something huge, like these Everglide S-500s. They sounded great for games, and had a decent frequency response for music, too. I bought them after I spent, like, days figuring out which headphones were going to help me make a living playing video games.
It’s funny what people used to get paid to do, huh? And funny what people used to consider important.
Ah, well. You could drive yourself crazy wrestling with memories of the old world. Look at old Barry Gomez, sitting at that bus stop on the town square like it’s going to rumble down the road any minute. No, those days are over. You missed it, kid. Now let’s get back to tending these turnips.
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You must be Logged In to add a link!USB Bloomin Breezy Fan - $2.99 November 20 - 06:38 PM
Goldilocks entered the house quietly. No one was there. She went to the first computer and sat down. Next to that computer was a flower, but it bothered her allergies. She moved to the second computer. There she found a fan! But it was a big fan, and it made her too cold. So Goldilocks moved to the third computer, and there she found a USB Bloomin Breezy Fan.
Designed to look like a flower, but pollen-free, the USB Bloomin Breezy Fan provides a gentle computer powered breeze that will balance you between too hot and too cold. But please, order your own. Because Goldilocks is in jail now, for breaking and entering, and the Third Circuit Court Of Bear Appeals is really known for being tough on criminals.
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You must be Logged In to add a link!Philips Icon 5 Device Universal Remote - $4.99 November 20 - 05:40 PM
So, uh, this uh Netgear – um, I mean eMachine – no, no, no: Philips. It’s a Philips remote control. The Philips Icon. Yeah. Sorry, we been up all night writing these descriptions. They’re all kind of blurring together. But anyway, yeah, how big is the LCD on this TV? Thirty- no, right, it’s just a remote. Remote. Remote. Man, that’s a freaky word. Remote. What did you say? Did you say something just now? We said you thought something. No, no, we mean we thought you said something! Ha ha! Sorry. We’re tired.
Yeah, it’s got a bunch of stickers for the different channels, and it can learn five devices from the old remotes by pointing at it, or something. We don’t really get how all this stuff works. Have you seen that soda we set down earlier? Did we finish drinking that?
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You must be Logged In to add a link!Shun Alton 7 Piece Cutlery Set with Bamboo Block - $249.99 November 20 - 05:29 PM
A hot night. The mind races. You think about your Shun Alton 7-piece knife set. You think about their D-shaped, 10-degree angled handles for easier slicing. You think about their clad VG-10 steel blades. The only friends who haven’t betrayed you. The only friends who won’t be dead by sunup. Sleep tight, mates, in your quilted chambray nightshirts.
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You must be Logged In to add a link!Philips DVD Recorder with 1080p Upconversion and HDMI Out - $49.99 November 20 - 04:51 PM
“Mr. VonRich, Mrs. VonRich-”
“I’m Ms. D’Vorsee now, as you recall.”
“You see? You see what she’s like?”
“Now, Mr. VonRich, please. I apologize, Ms. D’Vorsee. Before we get started I wanted to thank you both for agreeing to come here today. As a councilor, I’ve found that sometimes a long look at what it would take to break apart can convince two people can stay together.”
“I want that Jaguar.”
“Over my dead body!”
“Why don’t we start with something a little less… controversial. How about we talk about the Philips DVDR3475 DVD Recorder with HDMI out & 1080p Upconversion? Ms D’Vorsee, you go first.”
“He bought me that.”
“A gift from your husband? He wanted to show he loved you?”
“A gift from a cheapskate. I wanted diamonds.”
“Hey, she’s turning this all around. I saw that the Philips DVDR3475 DVD Recorder had one touch recording for anything, like that tv stuff or whatever. I figured she’d like it to keep track of her soap operas. She’s all into that Dynasty garbage. I don’t watch it, but she eats it with a spoon.”
“Dynasty hasn’t been on the air in years, Frank!”
“There, we are, Ms. D’Vorsee, it’s good to be back on a first name basis again, isn’t it?”
“I’ll tell you what it is, he wanted me to stay home! He wanted me to stay home and be a good little wife! He thought a Philips DVDR3475 DVD Recorder would keep me happy, playing DivX and MP3 and WMA and JPEG files. Then he could go out and upconvert with that blonde he keeps in the city!”
“Mr. VonRich, is this true?”
“Hey, who’s side are you on, shrink? I’m payin’ your bills here! You holdin’ out for a Philips DVDR3475 DVD Recorder of your own?”
“He’s not like you, Frank, he’s not going to care about how much money he can get. He’s worried about trying to make me happy, and my needs!”
“Well, Ms. D’Vorsee, I care about your feelings but I’m not really on one specific side or the other-”
“See? He cares about me! A hell of a lot more than your little floozy cares about you! Did you get her a Philips DVDR3475 DVD Recorder too, Frank? Does she program in that Daily/Weekly Repeat so you have something to watch while you-”
“You know what, Doc? You’ve convinced me! I ain’t gettin’ no divorce. I’m stayin’! Because that’s the only way to make this miserable old bat suffer!”
“Mr. VonRich, that’s not what I was trying to-”
“Thanks, Doc! And you, you better have the house clean when I get home!”
“Don’t talk to me that way, Frank! Don’t talk to me that… don’t you walk away from me! I’m your wife! You can’t get rid of me that easy! Thank you, doctor, just bill us. Frank! Frank you get back here right now!”
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You must be Logged In to add a link!Starbrite Hi-Gloss 4×6 Photo Paper 20 Sheets – 5 Pack - $1.79 November 20 - 04:19 PM
Do you have a pen pal? On a far away island? Without the Internet? A few envelopes and a Starbrite Hi-Gloss 4×6 Inkjet Photo Paper and suddenly your pen pal is cringing in terror from the site of, well, you probably know what we’re thinking about. Haven’t you had enough of upsetting our mods in cyberspace? Move that trolling into meatspace! The Starbrite Hi-Gloss 4×6 Inkjet Photo Paper will give you twenty chances to get it right!
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You must be Logged In to add a link!Nike Sport Kit Carrying Case for MP3 Players – 2 Pack - $0.99 November 20 - 04:12 PM
Riddle me this, Caped Crusader! Hahahahahaha!
Here at the iNstitute, we work hard to make sure your iPod nano or other mp3 player stays well. Through therapy and medical know-how, we repair and rebuild their fragile little insides. But sometimes… things go too far.
You can take that chicken and hold it between your knees! Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo!
When your iPod or other device becoms a danger to itself and others, you need to keep it in a padded case, like this two-pack of Nike Sport Kit Carrying Cases for MP3 Players. With a clear plastic card sleeve, a cargo net storage pocket, and a zipper pouch for valuables, you can keep your player safe and secure alongside all the valuable accessories you think you may need.
Mommy! MOMMY!
It’s a sad thing when an MP3 player loses its mind. But it doesn’t have to be restrained uncomfortably. Help your loving friend recover safely with a two-pack of Nike Sport Kit Carrying Cases for MP3 Players.
Ahahahaha! Hagar was better than Roth!
Tsk. Sad, isn’t it?
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